Yesterday I celebrated twenty-four years since being diagnosed with breast cancer; how grateful I am to be saying this again. Over the years, I've made friends with others who've gone through treatment like me, as well as women that have either not survived or had to deal with ongoing metastatic breast cancer (MBC). A woman who became my online friend through the journeyingbeyondbreastcancer.com website was Julia Barnicke from the London area. I reread my entry from three years ago when I wrote about her in my post 21st Cancerversary: Live Your Best Life. How it warmed my heart to remember her bright and generous spirit and how she encouraged me--especially in my writing. I learned a lot from Julia and from others along the way who've faced cancer treatment.
Julia reading my memoir by the River Thames
I also learned things through my experience that spanned eight months from diagnosis until the completion of treatment. Some of those things I've carried into new experiences since 2000---and now, use in my preparation for the Camino.
During cancer treatment, I paired the bitter with the sweet. On days when I had to spend too much time in doctors' appointments, I'd reward myself afterwards with shopping or exploring a new area. The days that were most taxing with several hours of chemo infusions, I'd go home and make myself a bowl of ice cream with crunched up cookies and eat it in bed while watching a favorite t.v. show. Now, I wouldn't say my training for the Camino, that has recently included over four hours of walking in the heat, has been bitter, but it's a challenge. The first hour is easy and eventually it gets boring. I've added the enjoyment of listening to favorite podcasts or audio books; the time passes quickly then and I'm not as aware of the heat or any aches that develop.
During cancer treatment, I had to watch how I used my energy. There were times I was physically unable to do as much. Sometimes, while I felt pretty normal, I had to be cautious because my cell counts were low and I wasn't as able to fight off illness. I wanted to participate with family and friends in activities, but I couldn't. Now, I see how much time things take--the hours of building up my endurance with my "feet in the boots" at the track and Saturday hikes and Monday meetings with my Raleigh Friends of the Camino group. It's six weeks until I leave for Porto and as the time draws closer, my focus will have to narrow. All of us have limited energy-- no matter our age and we have to pay attention to how we expend our vital resource.
With my friend and fellow school nurse, Mary Morris. I hope I passed along things I learned that benefitted her when she went through breast cancer after me.
Another thing I've carried since cancer treatment, is the importance of looking to the future; that gave me hope when I was overwhelmed in my situation. There was one weekend away, after my second round of chemo, that left an indelible impression on me.
My friend, Delores, invited me to go to the Smokey Mountains with her and two other women. While at first I was hesitant, not wanting them to see me out of my wig, my desire to get away overruled my potential embarrassment, the invasion of my privacy as we'd share a room. Those women were the perfect balm to my low spirits, laughing with me as I did the unveiling of my bald head. The next morning, I sat on a rock looking out over the cloud-covered mountains and it was as if God's voice said to me, "It's about the Future." I'd been so focused on the heaviness of treatment that I couldn't see light shining ahead. Those words came to me many time over the remaining months of chemo and radiation. I had no certainty about how much time I had in the future, but whatever amount that would be, I had to look forward and not get bogged down in the darkness of struggle.
Now, as I look to walking the Camino, I wonder what I'll learn on that future path. How will God's voice speak to me on those 173 miles of a pilgrim's journey? How will the people in my path speak to me? Just as the folks I've met who've been through cancer have shared stories and encouragement, so too will the fellow sojourners on the Camino.
And what about you? What challenges have you faced, at an earlier time in your life, that taught you things that have informed you since? Can you share those with others? Are you using them now in your own life to navigate a new challenge?
As I look back on my twenty-four years since cancer, I'm grateful for all the good that I've experienced, the love and support of friends and family; I include my readers as friends I may not have met, yet--but who provide support.
Blessings to you all this day and as you walk toward your Future,
Connie
No comments:
Post a Comment