You can probably tell from the title that not a lot has changed in Aaron's attitude about being Uncle Aaron.
Sigh.
Aaron will still talk it to death, this idea of Uncle Aaron. Like the day we were chatting with someone.
"My sister had a nephew!!" he suddenly exclaimed.
"Ummmm…your sister had YOUR nephew, Aaron," I corrected.
Can't have that unclear fact just hanging in the air, right?
The reasons for Aaron not being thrilled about his little nephew continue to mount. To many people, the idea of not wanting to meet this sweet little guy just doesn't make sense.
But when you understand all the layers that make up Aaron, then it does compute.
Aaron does not like to travel. Leaving his normal behind at home is a huge stretch for him. He had adjusted pretty well to being at his sister's house when we would travel there before all this Uncle Aaron business. Andrea and Kyle had an extra bedroom that Aaron used, where he could escape to read or play a game or listen to his music during the day. That room is now Ryker's nursery.
We were planning a trip with him in April, but we knew we needed to tell him about this not-so-small detail. That, and the fact that we planned to fly, was a deal breaker for Aaron, Uncle or not.
Ryker had taken over Aaron's room, usurping Aaron's place in their home.
Then there is all this baby-talk silliness that Aaron hears when we facetime with his nephew. I was having a Gramoo moment with little Ryker one day, speaking with that special baby voice that we all know. Aaron was standing behind me.
Softly under his breath I heard him say, "You're weird."
It hit me that we have another element of just how huge this is for Aaron. He does not like any talking that he considers unusual or, as he often says, is weird.
Baby talk from Gramoo is most very definitely…weird.
So Ryker, in Aaron's mind, is responsible for this weirdness.
We often find ourselves, or others, saying, "If Aaron just…".
If Aaron just this or if Aaron just that.
But Aaron doesn't JUST do anything outside of his norm very easily. Autism rules his world. He can't tell you a thing about what autism is, but his life shows you many things that autism does…how it affects every facet of his life.
We think little Ryker would get a big kick out of Aaron, especially the way Aaron runs his fingers together over and over when he talks. We have told Aaron over and over how much his nephew would love Uncle Aaron, but Aaron is still unmoved.
Aaron does often smile when he sees pictures and videos of Ryker. When Aaron plays a Nintendo game he has about taking care of babies, he names his baby Ryker. All these signs are encouraging.
But the hardest part for Aaron, and the saddest for all of us, is that Aaron wonders about his place now in our family. This little interloper has come in and is, to Aaron, a competitor for our love.
We have had many conversations with Aaron about how nothing has changed as to how much we love him, and always will.
We have explained how hearts grow as a family grows…how we have room in our hearts for both Aaron and Ryker.
"You mean I'm not being pushed out of the love?" Aaron asked after one such conversation.
And my growing heart hurt for Aaron, for his inability to process all this change and for his fear of being replaced by his little nephew.
It's also been a lot for Gary and me to process and understand, to accept and to not be angry or bitter.
We have our moments, our ups and downs with all of it, wishing that we could just be a normal family.
Yet we also see God's hand of grace in our lives and have learned to continue to trust His plan in giving us Aaron.
I keep going back to the verse that God gave me the morning after Andrea and Kyle shared with us their wonderful news about a coming grandbaby.
"…we have fixed our hope on the living God…" (I Timothy 4:10)
I knew then that we would have some struggles, but I never knew just how many there would be.
But God knew.
And I DO know that His knowing hand is all I need to know.
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