Part of the process is inevitably going to be wandering around in the dark not knowing where the next step is going to take you. But trust and belief you have all the tools you need to make your way through, so releasing the need for control and embracing all that crops up along the path.
Some people would probably relish the idea of this. When you have grown up with a foundation of structure and control breaking free from the confines and finding your true self and freeing your spirit is a challenge. Especially when a terminal cancer diagnosis is what encourages you to wake up and smell the coffee. It certainly wasn't penned into my life plan or anything I was prepared for.
Not having all the people you thought would be coming along for the ride with you, unable to step up, adds to the frustrations and disappointment of having to find your way without a map or anyone along the journey for the company. Cancer taught me it is better to be alone than around the wrong people. You are thrown into truly having to make peace with yourself and the quiet. Much like the strength a life-altering circumstance forces upon you which you just have to just suck up. Honing the ability to adapt and change is preferred over resisting.
When faced with the worst experience of your life you can either show your hand or fold. Folding was a fleeting option, and hanging on by the skin of my teeth was something I was prepared to stubbornly do. Perseverance, belief and never giving up are part of my daily routine, even if life seems to be getting tougher. I have to keep remembering I am alive, a miracle in itself. All the other life challenges that never stop coming when you're a grown-up will also find a way of sorting themselves out. I mean if I can find a way to live alongside cancer and not die which I said at the beginning of diagnosis I can find a way back to a quality of life, where money and things breaking are not going to be a constant headache. I decided I am going out kicking and screaming and in the end, even death decided to be my friend instead of my enemy.
Eventually, you refind your tribe, in those who you never would have imagined to have stepped up. The most surprising from complete strangers who once you share your story with them know how to show the love, compassion and empathy that you need. Not for ego fluffing or enabling a victim state of mind. But to have someone see and hear you so you no longer feel alone. Being able to resonate with another's story and not feel alone is empowering, it's also the greatest form of reassurance not to take things personally.
So trust it. It's easier said than done. I struggle with the concept on and off. Then I just remember how far I have come and how I am still here. Climbing back up the ladder from rock bottom. Very much happy and grateful to know and be able to be authentically alive!
Go easy on you. Stay beautiful. Anna 
(find out more about me here.)
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