This past week is one I'll never forget in a hurry. I ran away from my house.
I had this unseen feeling of choking. I felt so weighed down by things I couldn't understand.
I had flashbacks, and my mind wandered a lot. I wondered what was happening.
A few days before, I felt weak and tired. I couldn't even do something as easy as pray. I'd wake up heavy, mumble prayers and fall asleep, only to get up a few hours later to prepare for work.
I was feeling physical tiredness and mental weakness. I was falling into problems from temptations around.
Things fell apart on Saturday. I had just returned from a burial ceremony when I had this overwhelming feeling like my world was collapsing and I needed to run somewhere safe.
I quickly called a friend and asked if I could come to her place that night because I knew without a doubt that if I slept in my house, something might happen to me.
I was not about to doubt my gut feeling.
I hurriedly put my things together and left. I determined not to spend that night in my house even if I did not see a taxi to where I was heading.
The next day was Sunday. I couldn't go to church.
I stayed at home (at my friend's house), still down and tired. I spent half of the day sleeping.
I began to feel better towards the end of the day when my friend's visitor arrived. She was very lively and funny. We talked, laughed and made singing videos.
Calmness returned to me. My brain reset, and I started to feel normal again.
I collected a bunch of songs from them, and they were on repeat for the whole week.
Those lyrics went deep into my mind, soul and body. That was the first time I ever listened to Jonathan McReynolds. (If you saw my previous posts on My Music Playlist for Down Days, you'll notice it has a few of his songs).
I wish I could tell you (as a Christian) that I was able to pray and study my Bible. I wasn't.
At that moment, when I couldn't communicate with God through His word or prayers, he was able to talk with me through music.
Everywhere I turned that week, God was there.
As I walked on the road to my workplace with my earphones in my ears, I could hear His voice in every lyric I listened to.
I got insight and revelation into some things I needed to do. I stayed with my friend for one week.
Today, I went back to my house.
I'm not very fine, but I am better now.
I know I'm not alone.
I am confident that I will not be swallowed whole by this world's darkness that threatens my mind and soul.
From My Journal - 20th November, 2021
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