It is finally almost here. Next month is the ten year anniversary of the car accident that ruined my life. It's crazy to think it has been a decade. A quarter of my life has been spent in pain and being useless to society and self. Ten years gone.
Today, I explained to my daughter why I would advise pregnant me to terminate my pregnancy. I have spent half of my time as a mother being unable to take care of my child and not because of my own actions. I never wanted my daughter to suffer because of my inability to do what was needed. When she really needed someone, I was getting the attention because of this stupid brain injury.
Now, she is struggling to find her place in the world, and I can't help her. I can be her cheerleader, but she needs a good role model, and I am not that. Even beyond that, I am unable to help myself. I so deeply hate my current situation, but I can't make a living to survive on my own.
I don't believe that there is inherent value in every life. there was a time when my life was worth something, but that time passed long ago. There is nothing that can ascribe value to my life besides myself. I can't place a value on any life but my own. I'm no scientist, but I understand that I actualize myself . and the words of another are merely sounds and letters that do not apply to me. I have the final say on who and what I am. I'm done with the gaslighting of people who believe their opinion matters.
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