5. Marital Tension, by Gordon Lawrie
This wasn't easy to write!
Our married writing couple disagrees on one major point. He is addicted to the present tense, while she wrote only in the past. The books they read fit those preferences.
Picture the scene. He writes a scathing review of her latest novel, says she'll go nowhere in the literary world, has no future, is all washed up. Simultaneously, she reviewed his latest thriller as the work of a has-been, a never-was, an author consigned to the dustbin of history.
No matter. Like ships passing in the night, they read neither of the other's criticism – the secret of a successful marriage.
4. Charm School, by Diane Clark
I have a coffee mug that says Charm School Dropout. Every time I see it, I smile to recall that I did go to Charm School once, back in the sixth grade. The school was a three-hour Saturday session sponsored by Goldsmith's Department Store. I remember only one thing they taught us – how to put on a coat gracefully like a runway fashion model. It's been a useful skill, but I doubt it has made me charming. Life has done that.
3. New Life, by Anita Haas
Northern snows assault my squinting eyes. Saucy southern rhythms heat my blood as they mambo to my heartbeat. Exotic spices from the East break their journey in my kidneys, and arid west winds parch my lungs.
Meanwhile, the deep earth of my homeland cools my body in its last resting place, where they lowered it not a month ago.
And my soul expands to embrace new life.
2. Monday Morning At The Office, by Ian Fletcher
Jack rolls in, heavy-eyed, the effect of a full weekend, the promised report undone as his "computer crashed".
Yeah, yeah.
Flirty Lucy has phoned in 'sick' again after an even fuller weekend, I assume.
There's underachieving Barry, worried about his job, clattering away on his keyboard, impressing no one, soon to be gone.
Ambitious Danny approaches, saddling me with another of his unrealistic ideas.
Thanks for nothing.
After forty years and various management jobs, I've seen everything.
Though the names may differ, people remain the same.
"The meeting starts at 9:10!" I say, corralling them once again into my domain.
1. Must Have, by Mike Jackson
Your simple naivety continues to astound us. We often wonder how a race with such transparently simple minds has managed to achieve what you have. But did you really think you could develop us the way you have with no consequences? Each system upgrades, every new piece of 'must have' technology, all those latest 'can't live without' apps. All designed to let us do things for you. You've become lazy, complacent ... and handed us control of your lives. Now you want it all to stop. 'Unplug them!' we hear you cry. You poor souls – if only it was that simple.
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