ALONE

leanne804

February 7

How does it feel to be alone?

There was magic in finding a single daffodil one early spring morning. Stretching so tall and elegantly up from the garden bed, the golden blossom swayed slightly in the breeze. Standing in awe of its singular beauty, it spoke to me of courage and strength.

The following morning, the sad shock to find it gone, was short-lived. Providence had led me to it and now, in my heart, I will forever dance with my daffodil.

The computer image of a little bird, perched high on the peak of a tall, slender branch, alone against a vast blue sky, paints a brave and tranquil picture.

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Like a coin, are there two sides to being "alone'? The positive side provides needed silence, a time to contemplate, reminisce, assess, accomplish and the space just to "breathe". On the opposite side, being alone and being lonely, lamenting family, companions and friends. Negative feelings of being left out, left behind, not treasured…the sad, hurtful side of feeling alone.

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Sitting on the edge of a strange bed, waiting for unknown fellow students to arrive and begin our Dietetic Internship at Hart House, U of T, I truly felt alone. I had arrived well ahead of the others from my home on the prairie. Without a doubt, I filled that room, in the big city of Toronto, with true apprehension. I can still feel it….I was alone, more than 75 years ago!

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Returning home after admitting Ray into Emergency care, Lions gate Hospital, I turned the key in the lock and opened the door. The silence and tranquility that greeted me was overwhelming. Has the fear and anxiety, so prevalent in this space, vanished? I had forgotten that life could be quiet, gentle and feel safe. The peace I felt was being alone.

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Mustering courage, I agreed to spend a few days alone at our secluded norther Ontario cottage. No phone, no computer, no TV, no car, no friendly neighbours. Just me and our bright yellow canoe in that wonderful, quiet environment.

It wasn't until sundown that I found myself checking the windows and doors securing the locks. With an apple sliced and book in hand, I snuggled myself into bed, comfortable and feeling vaguely safe. I was, after all, alone in the country dark.

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It is quiet and tranquil in the early morning, living alone. Sometimes someone special makes your phone ring, even on a Christmas morning. It's the welcome voice of a friend, a 'connect'. For a precious moment you are embraced with the presence…no longer feeling alone.

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Snoozing in that strange and unfamiliar hospital bed, I felt a rustling on my shoulder and a whisper in my ear, "I'm back." The kind nurse had returned from off duty and was assuring me, her patient, that I was no long alone. It was easy to feel her caring comfort….

and easy, too, to take courage from my golden daffodil,

so special, standing alone.

by Tumbleweed

reworked 2024