Does one have to be kind to have a big title? Moving up professionally entails a check list of boxes to be ticked off. Fine education. Check. Community involvement. Check. Academic excellence. Check. Professional accomplishment. Check. But where's the box denoted as "Kind Person?" How does that one get checked off? It doesn't because kindness tends not to be rewarded in professional settings.
Big titles result in speaking engagements at one's alma mater, and lots of LinkedIn followers. Big titles can mean big paychecks, hobnobbing with individuals perceived as being successful, and country club memberships. But a big title doesn't mean a big impact, though it may seem that way. Going through the motions, manipulation, "being seen," having behind the scenes chats with other powerful people, engaging in projects that are never brought to completion can all be perceived - especially by colleagues - as accomplishing something. Kindness is simply not a gauge by which big titles are measured, though it should be.
And then there are those with big titles whose professional identities have taken over their whole identity. Friendships are managed by these folks like tasks to be checked off of a list, engaged in only when work time permits. Apologies "for not being a good friend" abound, only to be followed by yet more unanswered texts and absences, leaving others to feel empty. We're supposed to understand. But no. We don't understand. Big titles get too big for their own britches, believing their own narratives. But their narratives have hemmed them in. Kindness has gone out the window on the altar of perceived professional success.
So we pray. We meditate. We seek quiet in the trees, in the love of our furry friends, and in the scent of morning coffee brewing. We think about our big-titled friends and colleagues with the hope that one day they will be revealed for who they really are. More importantly, that the self that they have lost for the sake of professional success will be restored to them before it's too late. Kindness may have minimal value to these individuals if their title is big enough. But in the long run, when their careers are over, either hell will have to be paid, or they will realize the error of their ways and course correct themselves. It's up to them to redefine themselves if it's not already too late. Kindness always matters. It's just whether or not we are smart enough to realize it and act on it.
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