The journey continues. And it feels like a spiritual journey, even when parts of it seem confusing at the time. I've got that picture above as my background for my online calls, my little message to the world that you're not going to change me. And it won't.
So after more than a fair amount of drama this past year, the tenants have moved out ahead of lease schedule. Bad news? Well, not the financial plan, but my sense is it's good news. I'm reminded of my old mantra "Follow your heart, and let everything else go." And my heart wants a house. It wants to be in Florida, not just as a visitor but as a resident of Paradise and Freedom.
I need a house. Apartment living sucks for me. I've put up with it for a long time, but the whole "density living" thing is bullshit. I need grass and trees and a garage and a house with space. I need a street in a neighborhood, not some fucking driveway that goes out to a busy street surrounded by a bunch of other apartments with a sign in front warning people not to "tempt thieves," because in Loser Angeles they don't fight crime, they blame victims and make stupid excuses.
Yeah, fuck LA.
I need a house. I need the beach and saltwater lifestyle. I want to LIVE it, need that. I sense that it's a critical part of my spiritual growth, and that growth will fuel big things in my life that'll make worrying about a buck just plain silly.
Yeah, I have my doubts, I tell myself "I'm giving this a try, if it doesn't work out I'll rent it out again," but I know that's just for show. I know I'll never rent that house out again, unless it's because I have something better and I'm keeping it as an investment. Somehow I doubt even that is going to happen. This might be my home - not because it's all I can afford, but because it's exactly what I need.
I'm having a deja vu, as I often do, as I write this, that I already wrote this in a dream or in a future timeline that's now coming to be, and I'm trying to remember what I was feeling and writing "back then" in the future.
The landlord lifestyle has been boring and interesting, but it wasn't me, at least not with this house at this time. I wanted to have my own connection with the place, which totally defeats the purpose of being a landlord. I have a storage shed there with all my fishing stuff, and other things. I have a whole set of living equipment - a folding table and chairs, cooking supplies, utensils, bath supplies. I have a car I wanted to park at the house, but the tenants objected. I wasn't cut out to be a landlord, just ignore the house and leave it to the tenants and the property manager. I knew deep down this day would come. I wanted it to come. I just didn't want bad things to happen to the tenants, but that's their own karma.
The tenants left me with some decent furniture and household items (can't believe all they left) and a LOT of crap. I don't know how people live like that and show so little respect for someone's house. It's a nice house - old, but beautiful, updated and clean. Wouldn't they want to live in a beautiful, clean place, respect the house, the owner and the history? Not to mention the neighbors.
But part of me is feeling stoked that I have all this furniture and stuff to work with and don't have to start from scratch. It's like some of the furniture I had to give away over the years is coming back to me.
I grew up in a house - it started simple and grew with the family. Now it's probably too much house for my parents, but they still love it. It is nice when the family's all there. Had to mow the grass, pick up after the dog, clean and help Mom and Dad take care of it. They kept it nice.
At some point I grew up and the house wasn't mine anymore, it was Mom and Dad's and I needed to find a home of my own. Apartments were alright, but never me. Then again, neither was the first house I had, it was kind of a dump, not a great area, but it worked for my son. But still, it was real nice having a house I owned for a while.
Since then it's been apartments and just kind of sad. That's so not my life. I feel sorry for lifetime renters, it's a sad life to me. I think it was working from home and spending so much time in the apartment that drove me to finally make a decision. That and I knew I wanted Florida and fell in love with the state from the first visit to St. Augustine and every time since.
I wish I had made the decision at a better time when I had more gains in the market, could have avoided some expenses and maybe not even had to rent it out this year. It seems like I miss out on a lot when I play it safe and listen to my head instead of my heart. I knew Biden sucked, I knew the market was going to tank, I knew Florida was the place to be (I didn't know *how* good it was), I knew things were out of whack and that was the time to get while the getting's good. But always an excuse holding me back, always a regret when I ignore my heart and listen to my worries instead.
But now the house is mine again. The crap will go, the place will be cleaned. In a couple weeks I'll be there and start living in it, start making it mine, my house, my home. Just the thought of that makes me teary-eyed. I'm really happy about calling Florida my home, but a big part of me is happy to call any house my home. I've really been needing this. I mean REALLY.
Since the moment yesterday when they handed over the keys (before I knew it happened), I felt this huge opening and sense of fulfilment. This is an important part of my life.
I'm not at all an apartment/ condo guy. But I've lived in one most of my life. My youngest son has been raised entirely in apartments. But now at least he'll get to experience a little of life in a house. It'll be good for him. My oldest son is getting a house of his own - pretty lucky for someone his age with costs what they are. I want that for my youngest son too.
And I want that for me. I've made sure everyone else can have a house - including my in-laws in Thailand. It's long past my turn. That's why I bought the house. Then I thought, well I can rent it out and buy myself some time. But I can see now destiny isn't going to allow that. And it's going to be okay. More than okay, it's going to be fantastic.
Here's to my home in Florida. Finally mine.
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