Sam was mad. Really mad. I watched him on the playground. He was playing a game that mapped out all the pathways and running areas. One place, alongside the dinosaur den was a 'danger zone', so anyone who ran across was sternly warned that it was not safe, and to find a different place. No one payed heed to Sam, so things escalated. It was not good.
A little backstory...
Sam isn't in my class, but I see him on the playground. He's big, he loves physical play in a fun way. He's verbal, and likes to take charge with ideas. He doesn't always understand when a classmate is upset if he accidentally hurts them. He is impulsive, yet he has a big and kind heart. I have watched Sam run and chase, play rough and tumble play. I have watched Sam dig a deep hole in the sand, collect sticks, find rocks, search for treasure- all with focus. The outdoors is his element.
I have seen many tiffs with classmates. The give-and-take of play does not come easy for Sam. He has great ideas, yet if others don't want to play the way he wants to, it becomes a problem.
Back to today...
When my kids came to me to complain about Sam, I headed over for a talk, which became less of a talk.
Sam: They're running across the danger zone. I keep telling them it's not safe, but they don't listen.
Me: They want to run this way. It's okay.
Sam: It's not okay. They don't listen.
Me: That's hard, but they're your friends.
Sam: No. I hate them. I have no friends. Nobody is my friend.
Me: Well, I'm your friend.
Sam: Yeah, but nobody in my class is my friend. I hate them.
This is when I listened, really listened. Sam needed to talk. Kids can't keep 'stuff' bottled up inside. Did you know the best way to listen to or talk with an angry child is side-by-side? It's soothing. Face-to-face is too confronting.
Sam ranted, and I listened. I never stopped to say "I understand", or "I know how you feel" because I don't know.
Me: Do you have a pet? They can be great friends.
Sam: No, and I really want one. I want an African penguin.
He told me all about the penguin with excitement. He was the teacher and I was the student. He talked and I listened. The more Sam talked, the more I listened.
Sometimes we don't need to fix everything or solve all the problems. Sometimes just being there and listening is most important. Mr. Rogers was the best listener. That's exactly what he would do. He said:
More and more I've come to understand that listening is one of the most important things we can do for one another. Whether the other be an adult or a child, our engagement in listening to who that person is can often be our greatest gift. Whether that person is speaking or playing or dancing, building or singing or painting, if we care, we can listen. ~ Fred Rogers~
I will always try to be a Mr. Rogers.
Jennie
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