Rant

Jez

Apr 30

It's a bit of a "dead cat" scenario, and I know I'm playing right into their dirty, dirty hands by writing about it, but yesterday Neil Parish (Conservative MP for Tiverton and Honiton) was named as the chap being investigated for allegedly watching pornography in the House of Commons, thereby neatly deflecting away from this week's votes in the House of Lords (which Labour peers disgracefully abstained from) which mean that (and I'm expecting that at least one of these will be legally challenged as unlawful):

the Electoral Commission is no longer independent and is now under governmental control, specifically of Michael Gove, he of Vote Leave who were fined £61,000 after the current Electoral Commission referred them to the police for breaking funding rules;
the Nationality and Borders bill means that we no longer have to comply with the United Nations' Refugee Convention - send them to Rwanda!
the Elections Bill means that ID is now needed to vote - a direct attack on the poor
the Police Crime, Courts and Sentencing Bill - our right to protest has been further eroded, if it's a bit too noisy.

Dead cat or not, I can't resist looking at the story of the alleged porn-peruser, now identified.

What a hill to die on! "I was exposed as the Wanker of Whitehall, so that people might ignore my Government's power grab". He must feel so proud.

Although, perhaps "feeling" "proud" is the root of the problem here.

Or maybe this is an intervention: "power grab" does sound not too many steps away from being found like former Tory MP Stephen Milligan: found naked except for a pair of stockings and suspenders, with an electrical flex tied around his neck, head covered and an amphetamine-laced orange in his mouth. And dead, obviously.

Earlier this week, Parish was interviewed on GB News and was asked for his thoughts on claims that a Tory MP had been caught watching pornography:

"If you have got 650 members of parliament in what is a very intense area you are going to get people that step over the line," he said.

Insert your own Member of Parliament gag here.

Sure. If a lot of people work together, it's understandable that some of them can't wait to get home before they have to get their kicks. Being an MP is a long day, far longer than any non-MP has to endure without a bit of spicy nudey interjection.

I've worked in offices with significantly more than 650 people in them, and if any of them had been caught dribbling over a clip on Pornhub when they should have been working, they'd have been sacked immediately.

Not your Conservative MP though, oh no: Parish has been referred to the Parliamentary Commissioner for Standards in the House of Commons, and has had the whip removed following the allegations. You can make your own joke up about that too, right?

In entirely unrelated news (I'm sure), according to Hansard, Parish has mentioned "broadband" 58 times in the House of Commons, mainly to decry the slow speeds we have in this country, and, presumably, in Tiverton and Honiton.

Perhaps that's why the randy old goat had to watch it in the House of Commons instead of back in his own constituency. We all hate the swirl of doom that is buffering, right?

Doubtless, there will be excuses and half-arsed apologies: