Being hurt by the gossips and misconducts of church attending people and refusing to go back and congregate with them comes from a misguided understanding that the church is full of perfect people. In reality, the church is a hospital for morally broken, emotionally distraught and spiritually yearning, for the good and the bad, the weak and the strong, the happy and the sad, the thin and the fat, the male and the female, the confused and the clear minded and so on.

Being young myself- an adolescent- I got trapped in the consequences other people's brokenness had on me and forgot the love and kindness yet others had towards me. I haven't really forgot as much as I neglected to remember.

Why does pain hurt so deeply when misunderstandings happen? Why good needs to be repeated so very often for us to finally believe it? And why one wrong word can make us fall into the pits of despair?

The philosophy of our own understanding in regards to life and relationships must be faulty. I believe that's where the answer lies. At least that's where my answer lies.

My conclusion: it's my responsibility to find out the truth. 

So going back to the hurts of imperfect people in the church, I must remember my own perception of what church is. It is not a place where perfection exists, not a place where you can find all the answers for your questions, not an example of Christ's true nature, but a faulty mechanism of man trying to interpret something greater than us, a school really, where we go- if one chooses to- in our efforts to find clarity to the meaning of us, life and the universe. An everlasting and ever-evolving school curriculum. A community of similar people as myself- I've realized that only after I pulled my head out of my idealistic ass, pardon the language- who try their best to bring meaning and relief to pain, for the most part.

Has church been used as a weapon? Is church used as a weapon? It is. But that's to say: Is man incorruptible? Man, no matter in what position they find themselves are easily corruptible. You and I are easily corruptible. To blame God or others is simply to ignore our own incompetence. That is on us. That is our responsibility.

But take a look at the governments we set for ourselves. How are they doing? How well are they serving people? I venture to say severely poorly. As long as there's poverty in a world able to handle all people we are doing a poor job. Christian, atheist, muslim, Buddhist, etc, alike. Some may be better than others, but in every forest there's dead trees. Pointing fingers, like little children, would only relief momentarily our own frustrations. Keeping the finger pointed towards us will remind ourselves that it is us who bear the responsibilities of change. Us.

It took some time and anguish for me to arrive at this understanding, and I'm sure in ten years I'll arrive to similar understandings I now seem too bling to recognize. But isn't that the process of life? There is no such thing as perfection. That is an illusion we build, a false "happiness idea" we long for. There is, however, contentment. And once one arrives there, we'll enter Class 101 on Happiness. Once there's forgiveness, we would've arrived to Class 101 of Joy.

It is us who must change. Us who must forgive. Us who must learn to be content with life as it comes our way. God help me to do just this. Change. Forgive. Be content. Among other things.

God Bless:)