I have been feeling unwell for a few weeks, it seems. I suppose memory issues make it hard to pin down, but I have been feeling worse and worse. Historically, July is full of wind and pain. the shifting barometer omakes my life a bit miserable.
Today, I got up early and felt well enough to enjoy coffee on the patio for sunrise. I put my rose glycerine into spray bottles with witch hazel for rosewater.
I gave myself a face masque, clean body, and painted nails. I fed myself and watched church. I groomed and fed my dog. I practiced my written and spoken Hebrew and drank orange juice.
None of this is odd, but it is nothing like my life ten years ago. as the anniversary of the car accident comes, I am falling back in time. It's impossible not to draw comparisons between my once thriving life and the shell that remains.
That is not saying that I have not discovered my seat of joy. My whole perspective has shifted. I no longer have a long-term goal. I have no reason to make one. Having a poor memory means that even if I set goals, I may not remember them. I have found that short-term goals work much better for me.
There is no real comparison from the before time to now. I have a whole different mindset. I changed political parties after my brain surgery. That's what it took for me to see a different viewpoint.
Now, I have spent a whole Sunday doing things that have no real impact except in my own life but maybe I should have done more of that in the past. Who knows?
I'm finally enjoying a useless life, and there is something uniquely human about that. Every other animal serves a purpose in the world, from pollination to population control.
I hope I begin feeling better soon, but until then, I am thankful I don't have to be prepared to go anywhere or do anything. I have no responsibility to live up to so I can spend my time enjoying frivolous pursuits or indulging in healthy self-care. I highly recommend it.
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