I recently clicked on a post about yoga on Instagram. Thanks to the great power of the algorithm, my instagram feed is now full of suggested yoga-related accounts to follow.
Also many 'sponsored posts' that are trying to sell me yoga in one form or other.
Maybe it's somatic yoga, because that is the secret to weight loss and releasing my emotions.
Maybe it's a course in hip opening because that is the secret to weight loss and releasing my emotions.
Maybe it's strengthening and stretching my feet, ankles, calves and knees, because hip tightness can't be fixed unless you work from the ground up (or so they say).
Of course I'm interested in yoga. I clicked on that first post after all. But now because of that first click, I'm bombarded with posts telling me my hips are too tight, and this is making me fat and emotionally constipated.
I don't want to have too-tight hips that make me fat and emotionally constipated. I want to be thin and emotionally free. But do I have to pay for a 28 day customised yoga programme to become thin and emotionally free?
Some days I want to.
Click, pay, and all the answers will be revealed.
I will follow this yoga programme for 28 days and at the end I will be the best version of myself. Twenty-eight days with all choices in terms of health removed from me, because this yoga programme will cure me from all my bad habits. It will make me taller and stronger. I will have greater emotional maturity. I will release all the guilt and anxiety and hurt and anger I have stashed about my hips.
No wonder I have aches in my hips. All those emotions must be pushing my bones and muscles out of alignment.
How do these emotions feel in my hips? Anger is spiky, like broken glass pushing into my skin. Guilt is a dull ache. Anxiety is throbbing, like an insect bite. Hurt is a bruise, lurking but really only painful when you prod it.
The 28 day programme can take all this away. I'll become lighter. Maybe my hair will become thicker, and curly, like the woman who is selling the programme. Maybe I will complete the programme and ever after pass my days with a gentle smile on my lips.
(Isn't that what they tell you in the guided meditations?)
It's easy to believe there is only one answer, and that answer will serve for everything.
But what really appeals in this 28 day programme of tailored 20 minute sessions the fact that for 28 days I have 20 minutes for myself. Twenty-eight days where I can hold my hand up and say, "I have to do yoga now," and that is my get-out-of-any-situation card. That is my ticket to 20 minutes of undisturbed time, every day, for 28 days.
I think I like the idea of those 20 minutes more than I care about the yoga.
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