As I write this post we're in the midst of a powerful eclipse portal, with the partial lunar eclipse in Taurus coming up in a day or two (and a solar eclipse in Libra occurring a couple of weeks ago). The energies have been strong and transformative, as they tend to be during eclipse season, and this week in particular, I've been feeling that quite strongly. So although I had some big plans to work on my music this week, I've had to slow down instead, and allow myself the space to work through and release some old wounding and integrate some past life experience that have come up for me.
Ever since the last part of summer, where I started seeing this new man a little bit, and my trip to Greece that came a few weeks later, some glimpses of a past life (or lives, I'm not entirely sure yet), began revealing themselves to me. Initially, what I saw was a scene where me and others were preparing for a kind of ritual to honor the goddess (which one, I don't know), but we were out in nature, and it felt like some kind of fertility ritual, perhaps. I got the feeling that I was some kind of female shaman, or priestess, and there were a number of young men with me, who were my helpers. The energy felt very pure and beautiful, so I did not get a feeling that it was a dark ritual or anything, but something of the light, something positive.
At some point in our preparations I saw that we were attacked and one of my helpers jumped in front of me in order to save me, and got hurt (possibly died) in the process. It surprised me and impressed me, as I didn't realize how much this young man was devoted to me and our faith. I felt that this man was the same man that I had just started seeing, and it made me feel like I owed him (paying him back for his sacrifice), but also that I could trust him, that his intentions were good, during a time when I had a lot of fear around that (in the beginning of us getting to know each other). As I've had some experiences in recent years of men leaving me, and/or primarily after "one" thing, at least that seemed to be a theme for a while, a lot of fear and wounding was triggered in me where I half expected this to happen again.
It didn't, thankfully, as I had the opposite experience this time, which was a much needed and healing experience for me, but the story didn't end there. Even before I went to Greece, I had a slight feeling that the past life scene I saw, had happened in Greece, perhaps even in Crete, where I was going, and when I went there, I definitely felt a strong, sort of feminine energy (a goddess energy, if you will ), and it also felt familiar to me, as if I'd been there before. It was all quite positive, really, but while there I didn't really get a chance to explore too much of the ancient sites like I had wanted to, partly because I was only there for a week, and I was traveling with a friend, so had to take that into account, too. But I met someone there that I also felt a connection with, and also felt linked to a past life there.
When I got home I started to google a little bit about the ancient history of Crete, and found that sure enough, there were signs of goddess worshipping and fertility rituals. There were statues that were found of a priestess (or goddess, the consensus is divided), either holding a snake in each hand, or with snakes wrapped around each arm, and their breasts were bare. To me, these are strong symbols of kundalini and sexual energy and it brought me to make comparisons to another significant past life that I had in ancient Egypt, where I saw that I was a priestess of Isis, and we were attacked and I was captured by dark priests. I felt I had great power and knowledge, but it was taken from me and I was raped and pretty much destroyed by these dark priests.
However, since awakening my kundalini and subsequent ascension process that I've been in (as of 2017), I have come to understand that there are deep mysteries that were once held, perhaps especially by women, where kundalini and sexual energy played a large part in accessing greater consciousness and spiritual knowledge. Sexual energy is something that has been greatly misunderstood and vilified in our society, but I believe these ancient cultures understood its power and the power of kundalini in a much deeper way than we do today. A large part of our awakening and ascension process these days is to rediscover the power of the feminine, and the power that these energies play in our ascension process, and I feel that has been a large part of my journey, as well, to rediscover this power that I once held, but was lost to me for various reasons through both patriarchal, but also (as I've recently discovered) matriarchal abuse.
Through my ascension process it has come to my attention that I have quite a few blocks and a lot of fear around sex and my own sexuality. I've felt afraid of its power, and for a long time I wasn't even able to acknowledge that part of me, let alone allow myself to enjoy it. Yet I have also come to understand that these blocks are holding me back from claiming my feminine power and becoming whole and complete in myself. One of the clues of course, lie in the past life in Egypt, where I was abused by patriarchal priests and my power taken away, which made it feel unsafe to express myself sexually. Yet, although I feel I have healed a lot from that life, the fear has remained, and it wasn't until earlier this week, that it came to me that the power that the priestess held in ancient times wasn't free of abuse either, and I used my sexuality for power back then in an abusive way at times, unfortunately.
As much as we may have been abused in past lives, we have at times also been the abuser. It is often how the law of karma works, if we let power and greed, and our need for it get the better of us, and we end up using and abusing people, then the law of karma will bring us the opposite in another life (or the same life, depending on the situation). So it makes sense that this would have happened, and although I have sort of known for a long time that I must have had lives where I also did some bad things, nothing specific has come up for me in a big way until now. Of course, I think we tend to not want to see and know about this part of our shadow self, for obvious reasons, but it's important to see and acknowledge both the good and the bad within us, and integrate our shadow for the ultimate healing. So this week has been a lot about that for me, seeing and releasing the shame and guilt from my past life transgressions in this way.
After having shared all of this, I want to share one final important message. The most important thing that my awakening and ascension journey has taught me, is the power of the heart, and opening up to love. In order for us to truly heal and step out of the wheel of karma, we must open up our heart and let love in. Love is what will heal the past, through compassion and forgiveness of the other and self, and love is what, above all else, will propel our ascension and step into higher levels of consciousness and ways of being. Anger, hurt and pain may make us want to lash out and avenge past abuse, but love will help us rise above all that, and heal it all for good. I think that is why we are often brought face to face with our past transgressors and transgressions, so that we can find a new of relating with each other, through love and forgiveness.
That about wraps it up from me today, as this turned out be a long and raw post in some ways. It's not always comfortable to be so open about my experiences, yet I think many of these past life experiences are what controls our life and behavior in many toxic ways, until we can dive deep and release them once and for all. So it is my hope that it may inspire you to dig deeper into your past, if you feel there may be something there that has a hold on you, and stops you from reclaiming your positive power and living your best life. And if you feel you could use som support with that, I have offerings that may help you in that regard.
With that, I wish you a beautiful day, and as always I send you much love & light!
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