I'm a pretty fluent speaker. This came as somewhat of a surprise to me because, like most people, I guess, I often feel like I'm struggling to find the right words, stumble over pronunciation, get confused between different languages, or get the impression that I'm taking an eternity to formulate even the simplest of thoughts. I've been aware that most of that is equal parts my imagination running away with me, and the vanity of someone who secretly knows she generally 'speaks well'. After all, my research on the histories of fluency, stammering, and various speech impediments has made my own beliefs about the value of fluent speech clearer, and has made me more alert to the odd privilege that comes with the ability to develop skills connected to conventional or even pleasant speech.
And yet, here I am, closely listening to my own recorded voice, surprised that there are barely any 'ums' or 'you knows' or 'likes' to annoy me in my own speech. Apparently, I have somehow trained myself (or perhaps I have been trained by others?) to use few fillers. And to my own horror, my first reaction was to be pleased that I therefore didn't need to edit them out. Because that's what I've been doing, over the last couple of days. Editing out signs of hesitation, deviation or repetition from conversations about the research my team and I are planning to share with the world. As if scholarly speech is an eternal game of 'just a minute'.
I'm still not quire sure what to do with this revelation. I'm talking about the politics of 'good speech' – and fluency is an important part of how that has been (and still is) understood. Fluent speech is 'work', no matter how much we like to believe it to be a natural gift, and producing fluency as both embodied practice and through digital manipulation demonstrates how the pernicious conflation of fluency, rationality and civility works in its own way. Perhaps it's a good thing that my editing skills aren't quite up to scratch, and leaves the practices of cultivation out there for people to hear.
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